Road to healing

I admit i dont know what i really want to write. But let me start by saying that prayer keeps me going be it on commute, in a toilet, in a elevator, while im smoking. I pretty much pray since catastrophe of my outburst emotion took place when i’ve had a short of sort of meet up with my one great love. He was everything. Up until now that i was left high and dry i still think of him as that, i was always finding reason for the short reunion that had started so smooth and left me with nothing even sort of goodbye. I was mad, confused missing him all at the same time. I did ask god why? i was okay before he came back and crushed me again yet as ive thought about it i believe i did asked god for a moment to see him, touch him, be with him. So all in all in an unexpected way he did grant my wish. It may not be the ending that i hope it would be but i said back then that i will take him anyway i can get him. Now he’s gone probably back with his girl i can only wish him happiness, by all accounts i still feel hurt, shattered, crushed and crashed yet i cant have him not wanting me. So im starting over again there are good days there’s the sad day and even worst but im taking each day at a time hopefully ill fully heal.