Someday soon

Someday soon you’ll forget about the hurt, with every smile,evry laugh and every dreams make it seem what it means.

Someday soon you’ll hope for a better days from what was shattered like it didn’t matter.

Someday soon you’ll learn to love again with every glance, every heartbeat and breathe no trace of what used to hurt.

Someday soon you’ll look someone in the eye with the same intensity and feel that its your destiny. ❤️❤️❤️

Road to healing

I admit i dont know what i really want to write. But let me start by saying that prayer keeps me going be it on commute, in a toilet, in a elevator, while im smoking. I pretty much pray since catastrophe of my outburst emotion took place when i’ve had a short of sort of meet up with my one great love. He was everything. Up until now that i was left high and dry i still think of him as that, i was always finding reason for the short reunion that had started so smooth and left me with nothing even sort of goodbye. I was mad, confused missing him all at the same time. I did ask god why? i was okay before he came back and crushed me again yet as ive thought about it i believe i did asked god for a moment to see him, touch him, be with him. So all in all in an unexpected way he did grant my wish. It may not be the ending that i hope it would be but i said back then that i will take him anyway i can get him. Now he’s gone probably back with his girl i can only wish him happiness, by all accounts i still feel hurt, shattered, crushed and crashed yet i cant have him not wanting me. So im starting over again there are good days there’s the sad day and even worst but im taking each day at a time hopefully ill fully heal.

Insecurity Battle Scar

Each one of us is aiming for perfection, if not atleast acceptable. With that in mind we aim for a soft flawless skin that when we look we will be atleast satisfied with what we see. 

But how about if we are not born with it? Even those with acceptable clear face has their insecurity issue. How about those of us scarred with pimples and whatever that mess up our face? What are our chances of self esteem? Hell, our genes and hormones mostly messed up our aim to be acceptable. I myself have the same battle everyday. And each time i look in the mirror i wish not to dread and be insecure with what i see. Apparently, that’s not the case. I called it my “Insecurity battle scars”. Growing up i have to face this issue up until now the notion of it still gets into me. Whenever i stand with someone and somehow i have a feeling that he/she is checking me out, a selfie that you delete immediately cause somehow the picture that you took didnt quite passed your standard because of your unclear face. To be honest, i am still not fully in terms with how i perceived myself. The feeling that whenever you’re with someone you like out in the daylight scare the shit out of you, because you are afraid base on what you look physically. The same look that scars within your inside, the insecurity that your not quite good enough whenever they really look at you. The superficial thing that scars you in the inside. It is a battle for us and everyday we do something about clearing it and yes i believe somehow we achieved the goal in a way or halfway through it. Tell you what, i still feel insecure every single day of my life but somehow im hoping someone will look at me way past the scar that im coming to terms to be proud of. The scars that ruin my face represents my courage way past my insecurity, that everyday i have to be brave of facing people hoping i look good enough and adequate enough to be love and like. I have to address my scars on the inside to and learn to love it anyhow before i can truly be proud of how i am. Because it is a tough world out there and everyday we are strong enough to face peoples judgement on how we look. For that ,we have to commend ourselves and with that i am starting to be a little more proud on not just how i look but how i am as a person. Fuck it if they face the situation we have been in they might as well drown to death. It’s our courage that make us beautiful so let’s face the day heads up. 😜👍🏻 

     

Poem of this single lady

I choose to settle for more and turn my back on being an OR…

Waiting patiently to the point of hopelessly that opens my vulnerability.

Not questioning my distinctiveness,
I choose solace in my soldarity, self preservation over craziness till that love will not turn me into an OR and finally come to be my true happiness…

IMG_3555.PNG

Beta

Looking or sizzling hot story? Ms. jasinda Wilder is the answer.

This sequel comes unexpected to me. First, alpha is a standalone novel as hot and as beautiful as it was written. I never expect that Ms. Wilder will surpass it and make us crave for book 3. Secondly, the unexpected twist. I love how a simple hot plot can lead us into the dark and dangerous past of Valentine Roth. Include to the fact how devious and cunning the new character is which is Gina i truly hate if i may say so. And lastly, how resilient, strong and loving Kyrie was. I was exhilarated when kyrie already put alot of hole to gina. It lessen the anger in me forr al the pain he cause to kyrie especially to valentine. It was so worth it. I am in awe of this book, brings alot of emotion, adventure and you will definitely crave for the next one. Kudos Ms. Wilder i am a fan of your hot, swoon worthy books. Always!👍

IMG_3287.PNG

Detaching from my unwanted attachment

Have you ever been with someone that somehow becoming toxic? Do you ever feel like you want to detached from anything that makes you feel your self worth is a trash?

Through the sequence of my life i’ve been in an unofficial relationship with Mr. G. I’ve meet him through my bestfriend’s then boyfriend and we hit it off right off the bat. Seems wonderful for a time. The phonecall, impromptu visit and most especially the make out session. For a time i feel like that i was that special to him since that’s how he makes me feel.And i do feel like i really do love him then only to find out he has a long time girlfriend which i try not to mind since he told me “he wanted out” from their relationship. As much as i try to set it aside another lightning strikes, the said girlfriend is pregnant with his child. It was a crash i cant take, also i have told myself that i can take him taking time while doing his relationship with her but with a baby on board is a real deal breaker. I was devastated yet i have to end it. So i did.

Three years after that he called. We talk and text just like before. I’ve learned that he and his wife are heading to the splitsville and amicably trying to raise their kid separately. A spring of hope blossoms inside me, this new chance that i thought i have obliterate all the bad experience we had. Once again there this hope, hope that this time we can make things right. As the months go by i was contented on seeing him on his terms, the calls begin to get shorter and shorter becomes every once in awhile. I keep seeing him and we acted as if we are together when we are together but something doesnt seem right deep within. Assessing with my emotion i know i dont feel right, i should feel happy that he’s free but what’s in it for me? Everytime we’re together everything is as smooth as it should be, but as we part i feel like im nothing to him. Then i come to realize, i was nothing to him. He’s keeping me for his convenience and since i didnt complain he keep me at his side and as harsh it is to admit. He keeps me to keep him entertained when his bored. The last straw that snaps out of me was when the time when we’re together he keeps peering on my phone which is ok with me.But when i start to look at his phone his full on evasive. I ignore it at first but when he took me home ive sent a message to him and asking if there is someone else. Ive waited for days and no answer. After a few week a message from my him asking how i am, and finally i told him to fuck off… 😜

That’s when i tell myself no more. i refuse to be the on the side girl, and i refuse to be second best while his trying out his option.I have been clinging on my relationship for so long just to make me feel that i am wanted, beautiful and yet what it’s proven is my self worth in a trash. It’s a hard lesson to learn and yet im on my way to mastering it. It still terrifies me to be alone but im more ok to be by myself and feel amazing than to be with someone and make me feel like i am inconsequetial.

IMG_3202.PNG

Filthy Beautiful Love

This book is a continuation of Filthy Beatiful Lies. Do not read this without reading the first one.

How do i rate a good book?

Hot/teasing sex scene ✔️ (yup! that’s the first)

Uberly dominant hero ✔️

Feisty heroine ✔️

and a hope for another sequel that will feature the other character and open up some interesting plot. (i like that, i love continuity)

Here’s a thing, Colton Drake is swoon worthy indeed. I like that they don’t start off with instant physical thing, its a nice twist from the usual read with all hot scenes and less storyline. The character of Sophie Evans did complement the hero’s character she’s typical little feisty and more submissive. Although, from the authors review of the first book it was supposed to be hot like sizzling hot and not teasing making-out hot. Sometimes the reader are getting frustrated (just sayin) . Anyway, in this sequel indeed put a nice ending to it. I find it a little ordinary billionaire-fell-for-innocent girl . I do like the story it’s an easy read and perfect for stress free sunday book. I like Kendall Ryan’s writing style. Over all ill give it ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

IMG_3194.PNG